I have been advised that some of the relationship articles submitted are written from a woman’s perspective, which got me thinking. This caused me to do some research and I located the book, Act like a Lady, Think like a Man by Steve Harvey, comedian, actor and author.
His book focuses on what men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment from his perspective. Therefore, this article from a man’s perspective deals with what Steve calls “The Ninety-Day Rule” for women.
Steve, soon after getting married to his first wife, went to work for Ford motor plant in Cleveland. Upon starting work he was advised that he would not get the health insurance benefits of the company until he had worked for the company for at least 90 days. The company’s philosophy was that you had to prove yourself worthy by hard work, showing up on time, following the supervisor’s orders and get along with your co-workers for 90 days. All of this made sense to Steve as he felt that he was being challenged to show management that he was serious, ready and able to work hard for both his salary and benefits. He needed and wanted to prove himself that he was worthy of the reward.
Steve points out in his book—“If Ford and any other company won’t give an employee benefits until he’s been on the job and proven himself, why ladies, are you passing out benefits to men before they’ve proven themselves worthy? You know what the benefits are. I’m not talking about being nice to him; cooking for him; going out to dinner with; helping him pick out an outfit; bringing him around your mother. Those are things that happen during the course of a budding relationship—you do special things for each other because you care. By benefits, I mean sex. And if you’re giving your benefits to a guy who’s only been on the job for a week or two, you’re making a grave mistake.” WOW—this is mind-blowing coming from a man.
He continues: “You don’t know this man and he doesn’t know you. He hasn’t proven himself and he could walk off the job at any time. You’ll have no one but yourself to blame. Think about it: the ﬁrst guy you slept with quicker than 90 days—where is he? I’m willing to bet that you’re probably not with him. True, there are some people out there somewhere who had sex early in the relationship and are still together to this very day, but that’s rare.
More likely than not, a guy who gets beneﬁts early in a relationship, without having to put in work or prove himself, leaves and moves on to a committed relationship with a woman who puts him through some type of probationary period to find out more about him. I’m sure that some women laid out their requirements—early on, and let the man know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on.
A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a play-thing—someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have—your beneﬁts—are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways, to decide if he deserves them. The man who is willing to put in the time and meet the requirements is the one you want to stick around, because that guy is making a conscious decision that he, too, has no interest in playing games and will do what it takes to, not only stay on the job, but also get promoted and be the proud beneﬁciary of your beneﬁts. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintaining your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognises that you were worth the wait.”
• Stay tuned for part two of this article.