Sociopath is a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behaviour. A sociopath is often well liked because of their charm and high charisma, but they do not usually care about other people. They think mainly of themselves and often blame others for the things that they do. They have a complete disregard for rules and lie constantly. They seldom feel guilt or learn from punishments.
Narcissists who are fun, good at things, and appear in public to be compassionate and generous often look like they would be desirable friends and life partners. They can be very enjoyable to hang out with, even if they seem a bit self-preoccupied, as if they are always taking mental selfies. Then can come the rub. Are they also good partners when it comes to talking through differences of opinion? Or is there something about how they communicate in a relationship that makes a narcissist provocative?
Ever tried to be friends or a love partner with someone who is all about me? Someone who only listens to him or herself?
Who changes the topic, gets defensive or gets mad at you when you try to talk about difficulties you’ve been experiencing?
Narcissistic functioning at core is a disorder of listening. Think of it as one-sided listening, with multiple features that emerge as a result. The desire to sustain a friendship, never mind a love relationship, can quickly fade with someone who does not seem to see or hear you, who pushes away what you say with dismissiveness and deprecation, and who is quick to anger when you attempt nonetheless to express your viewpoint.
Are you in a “love bombing” relationship and not aware of it. What is love bombing?
Love Bombing is a seductive tactic that is used when someone who is manipulative and tries to control the relationship with bombs brimming with “love” from day one.
This type of seductive tactic generally takes place during early days of courting and is usually engaged in by sociopaths or narcissists also known as the “bomber”. How do you recognize “love bombing” whether you are a target or victim of such a tactic? There are 3 stages to the game: Idealization, Devaluation and then Discard.
During and after the courting, the target, male or female, will be bombarded with actions that may appear very similar to “love” which can be extremely overwhelming. The bombing can be so calculatingly executed that it can sweep the target off their feet and create high levels of passion with the target not having a clue, that it is a controlling move by the sociopath or narcissist to gain attention. The tactic does not give the target time to think straight or to evaluate whether the bomber is genuine or not, as the relationship develops.
To recognize whether you are in a love bombing relationship or in the early stages of one, look for the following actions that are considered excessive:
• phone/video calls; text messages; emails
• chat you up; take you out; flatter and flirt non-stop
• the constant appeal to be in close contact whether virtual or physical
• wanting to be connected every moment of every day
Their intensity towards the target continues or lightens, depending on the love bombing sociopath’s success during the first few days. Love bombing sociopaths aren’t “loving” — they are hunting.
They will pry on targets who may be at a vulnerable stage in their life and will exploit their weaknesses, insecurities while telling their targets everything that they want to hear and will express overdramatic displays of affection, thereby making their target’s co-dependent on them. Once dependency has been achieved and the bomber has received a vital energy feed that fuels their ego, they tend to lose interest and will no longer find the relationship fulfilling. Once the victim’s self-worth is being determined by the bomber words and actions and because they know which buttons to press to trigger emotions to take advantage of emotional wounds, the devaluation process will begin especially if the victim starts to question the sincerity of the relationship or to stand up for themselves when they are being devalued. The bomber then becomes outraged that the victim should dare to question their commitment, respect, honesty, authenticity or intimacy.
Signs to look for when the bomber is outraged:
• becomes emotionally distant
• withholds affection
• blames their partner for the breakdown of the relationship
• silent treatment
• displays moods or even tantrums to cause emotional distress
• disappears for days or even month at a time
The victim has to recognize the signs and has to be strong enough to walk away from the relationship else, they will be locked in the drama of the narcissists or sociopaths who will not go away easily, as it will be damaging to their ego, if their victim dares to walk away from them before they have declared – game over.
How to disarm a bomber:
• Control the amount and time spent on flirty texting or late nights phone calls
• Limit dates to once a week – Don’t be fooled that “you’re just hanging out”. A sociopath is never just hanging out. They’re working on pulling in a victim
• Date in groups – as sociopaths prefer privacy. Ask your friends their opinion
• Online research – who is this gal/guy? Talk to people that know them.
For targets – Set your own dating and courting standards. The sociopath will not stick around if they can’t get their way with you.
For victims – Build courage and RUN!!